When I read the first listing on the Phoenix New Times’ list of The Top 5 Most Tasteless Cookbooks Ever Published, I chuckled to myself and went on with my life. But the next time I, umm, got my hands on got on my hands the main ingredient during a solo harvest, I found myself looking for a way to properly store and save it for use later. The catalog listing for Natural Harvest — A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes says it best: “Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic.” It’s a truly seminal tome on the complete culinary experience of cum!

If that doesn’t make you hungry, maybe check out The Testicle Cookbook: Cooking with Balls. Not human balls, but it teaches how to prepare various animal danglies into delightful omelets, pizza, barbecue and more. Bon appétit!

At this point, I think it’s safe to say Lady Gaga can do no wrong. At least when it comes to making videos. Her latest is a mini movie for “Telephone,” an epic, nine-minute kitschy masterpiece featuring babelicious Beyonce, horny jail-yard dykes, a mass poisoning at a diner and G & B driving off Thelma & Louise -style in Quentin Tarantino’s Pussy Wagon. Oh, and don’t forgot the giant sunglasses made of smokin’ (literally) cigarettes! “Telephone” is the follow-up to her “Paparazzi” video — that one ends with Gaga booked by the police for killing her boyfriend, and “Telephone” starts with her getting thrown in the slammer. “There’s certainly always a hidden message in my music videos,” says Gaga. Let me know if you can decode the secret:

A gay porn actor named Dustin Michaels (check out his Twitter here ) is dead following a tragic run-in with Florida cops. Dustin reportedly got into an altercation with a female friend late one night last week, prompting police to respond to the scene — and when they did, he panicked because he was holding marijuana and swallowed the bag. Thinking he was resisted arrest, the cops decided to taser the dude, causing him to begin choking on the bag. Attempts to remove the bag from his throat proved fruitless, and by the time paramedics arrived and freed the object from Dustin’s throat, he had suffocated to death.

So weed kills — when the cops get in the way. The war on drugs has claimed another victim. A camera crew was on the scene and captured a disturbing video of the altercation, but please note it’s not a fun one to watch. This is really fucking sad:

Talk about tact. New York City Fire Chief Richard Picciotto is scheduled to appear as the featured speaker at an upcoming pig roast fundraising dinner in Hepburn, Canada — and the event is being advertised on a flyer with a picture of the World Trade Center towers on 9/11. Sure, Picciotto was “the highest ranking firefighter to endure the terrors of the attack . . . trapped in the stairwell of the North Tower for four hours,” but something about plastering the words “PIG ROAST” over a picture of the Twin Towers engulfed in flames that killed hundreds of police and firefighters just doesn’t seem right. Get it: Pig Roast? Barbequed cops? That’s just fucked up.

Did you know that the Word Is Out? I’ve never seen it, but nearly 33 years after its November 1977 premiere at the Castro Theater in San Francisco, the landmark feature-length documentary about gay and lesbian life — considered the first film about gay people made by gay people — is a groundbreaking affair. It looks into the lives of 26 diverse people, including writer Elsa Gidlow, professor Sally Gearhart, and inventor John Burnside, and offers what at the time was an extremely important lesson: that queer folks are just like everybody else.

“It’s given me a sense of how powerful film can be to move people,” says David Gillon, a Hartford video producer who was one of the film’s subjects. “Thirty years later, this film still moves me.” Word Is Out: Stories Of Some of Our Lives has been restored and has been screened at San Francisco’s Frameline festival, Los Angeles’ OutFest and recently had a run at NYC’s Anthology Film Archives. The re-mastered print will soon be released on DVD with exclusive updates on the cast and crew of the flick.

Check out the trailer here:

Here’s a hot tip for you: if you’re dealing large amounts of marijuana out of your house, don’t go to answer the door with a blazing joint in your hand. That’s what a 40-year-old man in Nebraska supposedly did in 2007 when a Narcotics Task Force knocked on his door after receiving an anonymous Crime Stoppers tip that he was selling the green stuff.

Because of the joint and the heavy smell of weed emanating from his house, the cops got a warrant and the subsequent search turned up 62 fucking pounds of marijuana, much of it in bales. He pleaded guilty to possession with intent to deliver and this week was sentenced to 1-3 years in jail.

Guardian Headline:

Vatican hit by gay sex scandal

Vatican chorister sacked for allegedly procuring male prostitutes for papal gentleman-in-waiting

Just in case you had no idea, a chorister is a choirboy, but all grown up. And one at the vatican is accused of procuring male prostitutes for one of Pope Adolf’s posse.

Note the Guardian used the words ‘gay sex scandal’ once again, as if it were the scandalous part. What it should read is that Vatican is hit hard by fucking blatant hypocrisy amid a  male prostitution scandal!

Fuck you Nazi Pope and fuck you too guardian.co.uk!

Yeah, that’s what I call raising the level of discourse! The story also goes onto to talk about how “Gentleman in waiting” was involved in corruption of public works, etc. It’s all filtered through this lens:  Homosexuality is disordered, and thereby where it lurks, so lurks corruption? See that still exists in the uppermost editorial echelons. You can detect it in the tone of the article.

I’m not saying the pimps and johns in this case are also victims, but I will ask, Is it because they work in a place that abhors homosexuality and thus are tainted not by the sin of being gay, but by an inferiority complex, by the artificial ‘criminality’ of gayness? Is it because of this that they are now more predisposed to the lure of criminal? They figure their sin cherry’s been popped so in for a penny in for a pound? They turned to crime not because they were gay, but because being gay was a crime?

Well too bad Jesus ain’t real so he can’t bring a can of pain and suck down on the Church that can’t manage to get his message of forgiveness out to it’s own peeps. What fucking good are they, if they can’t get the message of their own flying spaghetti monster right?

Anyway, noone’s been convicted yet, so I’ll shut my yap.

via Vatican hit by gay sex scandal | World news | guardian.co.uk.

Going to the Rusty Knot on a wintery Monday is kinda like bringing hipster Williamsburg into a bar in the West Village. Actually, it’s exactly like that, because every Monday evening the Knot offers a free disco party bus full of free beers that takes partiers from the epicenter of Williamsburg (the Bedford L train stop) and the so-called nexus of the Universe (1st and 1st in Manhattan) and whisks them directly to the Knot, which is in  the middle of fucking nowhere (1 block from the Hudson river).

Once there, though, the kitsch-filled nautically-themed bar offers a fish tank, a pool table, boardwalk-themed fried food (fried oysters and clams) and a wide variety of over-priced local brew and craft beer. But fuck all that, it’s all about the so-called Old Man brew, which is a small pull of Busch Lite. Don’t like Busch? Well then fuck off, you’re not allowed on the party bus back to Brooklyn!

Everybody loves Jersey Shore and everybody loves Terry Richardson. So what’s not to love about a photo shoot featuring the shirtless D-list Guido studs of MTV’s the Shore by the hipster/pervy photographer Richardson? Absofucking nothing!

Terry recently too the pics for an upcoming issue of Interview magazine, and a handful of pics showed up on his Tumblr site that same day. They’ve since been pulled down, but no worries, you can still check out some of them here. No word yet on when (or why?!) the Interview spread may appear. Sounds like quite The Situation.

UPDATE: Dangerous Minds has a Q&A with the guitar soloist in their comments section…

Hello. I apologize for the rhythmless trainwreck of a song before you. The bassist and singer take all of this very seriously. This stuff is of paramount importance. They recorded this and asked me and a drummer to come play some parts on it. Whenever friends do this, I just follow ther direction blindly, letting them do whatever they want. This stuff will never get out to the public, right? Wrong on this one. So I guess this is me defending myself and the drummer. We are not members of the band. We were not asked if this could be made public on YouTube. If we had been, we would have undoubtedly said no. I guess we could have saved them a lot of trouble if we had just told them from the beginning their recording sucked…

…

If anybody’s interested in seeing my actual band (which actually is an intentional joke, unlike Final Placement) this clip is from the “Talent Show” at school last year. Crap quality, crap playing, but a lot of fun.  [I put the post it in our comments section - Editor]

Can’t stop watching this. It’s a video for a song called “Shine” by some kinda New Wavey/punk/tone deaf Christian rock band from a high school in Midland, Texas (George W. Bush’s hood), called Final Placement. It’s soo fucking terrible it’s fantastic — and just when you think it can’t get any worse/better, they start doing a Rockettes-style kick line, the guitarist shreds an off-key solo and they pretend to knock over a Stonehenge-looking boulder formation. Guess this is what happens when Satan is removed from rock & roll:

“Shine” by Final Placement from sharity world on Vimeo.